Review: Colors of Goodbye: A Memoir of Holding On, Letting Go, and Reclaiming Joy in the Wake of Loss

Colors of Goodbye: A Memoir of Holding On, Letting Go, and Reclaiming Joy in the Wake of Loss by September Vaudrey
My rating: 5 of 5 stars

Grief is like a ball of hopelessly tangled yarn. Unraveling it takes time. Colors of Goodbye helped me untangle some of the knots in my leftover ball of grief.

Knowing the subject matter I put off reading for a while and then inwardly braced myself when I cracked open the book. Shauna Niequist's forward was such a perfect opening. I walked through the doorway into the cavernous well of grief explored by the author after the tragic loss of her daughter. Each chapter's offering felt carefully measured out so that I could navigate my way through the emotions that surfaced for me without feeling overwhelmed. September Vaudrey vulnerably retraces her footsteps through the minefield of grief. Even her missteps are pointed out for the benefit of those coming after her.

The use of color, art, and beauty to paint a picture of grief reminded me of the word "brutiful" coined by Glennon Doyle Melton. She uses it when "life's brutal and beautiful are woven together so tightly that they can't be separated."

I received this book as a gift from Tyndale Momentum. This honest review is my way of saying, "Thank you".


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Review: A Mile Wide: Trading a Shallow Religion for a Deeper Faith

A Mile Wide: Trading a Shallow Religion for a Deeper Faith by Brandon Hatmaker
My rating: 5 of 5 stars

In the book A Mile Wide Brandon Hatmaker states (about Jesus' parable of the soils), "...the quality and depth of the soil represents our heart's receptivity to his truth. Our receptivity determines the fruit, not the other way around. Instead of focusing on more fruit, we're challenged to focus on the condition of the soil."

With that, he proceeds to aid the reader in turning over the fallow ground and the topsoil of the heart. Seed that falls on hardened soil cannot take root and grow and is left to the birds.
Seed that falls on good soil eventually becomes fruit-bearing trees.

Brandon states, "...we're better at being and making converts than we are at being and making disciples." We are invited to consider discipleship through a new set of lenses, all of which are critical in our formation. He spells out, in everyday language how to go about deepening our relationship with God and with our neighbors. He offers a fresh perspective on loving others, calling them: The Outcast, The Outsider, and The Insider.

This book left me hungering for greater depths in my faith and with an action plan to make it happen.

I received an Advance Reader Copy in exchange for my honest review.

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Review: If You Can Keep It: The Forgotten Promise of American Liberty

If You Can Keep It: The Forgotten Promise of American Liberty by Eric Metaxas
My rating: 4 of 5 stars

Eric Metaxas, "If You Can Keep It" is a bold, patriotic reminder about what our country once was, the state it currently is in, and what it can be once again, if we each do our part to love our country. He explains the Golden Triangle of Freedom, which is: freedom requires virtue, virtue requires faith, and faith requires freedom.

He reminds the reader about how the stories of the heroes of our nation inspire others to greatness and warns us about abandoning the "vital tradition of venerating heroes".

He makes a case for loving America, an idea that is increasingly backward, and even offensive to some because of certain historical realities, which he enumerates. Heroism and ignominy are both a part of the historical record. We must rejoice and be inspired by the former, and repent of of the latter.

"For a nation is a partnership between the people who have died, the people who are alive now, and the people who have not yet been born."
- Edmund Burke

"We are a great country and our song has not yet been sung."
- Daniel Hannan, speaking of Great Britain, but that can also be said about America.

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Review: The Ghost of Africa

The Ghost of Africa by Don Brobst
My rating: 5 of 5 stars

I was given an Advance Reader Copy in exchange for my honest review. So I'll be honest. I don't usually read books involving international warfare, deadly military scenes, people dying and lots of guns, ammo, and guy stuff. That said, once I started reading I was hooked. Don writes in a style that made these unfamiliar settings in the story easy to get pulled into. Halfway through the book I was rooting for Dr. Paul Branson and wondering how it would all unfold. I couldn't turn the pages fast enough. Don's heart for the people in Africa is evident in his gifted storytelling.

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Review: I Don't Wait Anymore: Letting Go of Expectations and Grasping God's Adventure for You

I Don't Wait Anymore: Letting Go of Expectations and Grasping God's Adventure for You by Grace Thornton
My rating: 5 of 5 stars

The title and subtitle of this book hooked me from the first time I heard about it so I jumped at the chance to read and review it. It took a while for me to settle into the rhythm and writing style of the author. It felt like she jumped around a bit at first. I was glad once I got past that, though. She has a message for everyone, but especially for all those who pledged before God and man to "wait" and then wore the ubiquitous "True Love Waits" purity rings as a token of their commitment. She has a message for anyone that has waited for God to move in any area of their life, only to be left feeling disappointment with God.

She defines waiting in a way that I wasn't expecting and then makes a case for all of us that are living lives with unrealized expectations, plans, goals and dreams to stop waiting. By the time I was halfway through, I could not wait to see where she was going with her train of thought.

Grace did not disappoint. She tells story after story that make our hearts beat wildly for the kind of life we truly want to live. One where we climb to the mountaintops looking for, and find, the amazing life we know is out there. She reminds us that it is possible.

I wanted to highlight all the good quotes, but realized I would have to stop too often, and my eyes wanted to read the next page instead. My eyes won, mostly because this is the kind of book that is intended to be given as a gift and once I started reading, I thought of several people that I wanted to gift my copy to.

A beautiful book inside and out. The ribbon place marker was a nice touch.

I was provided with a copy of this book by the publisher in return for my honest review.

I will be giving away a copy of I Don't Wait Anymore to one of my blog subscribers! I will announce the winner on Sunday, June 12. Subscribe and comment below for a chance to win!

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Review: Nor Forsake

Nor Forsake by Julie Presley
My rating: 5 of 5 stars

Before I was introduced to Julie Presley's writing, it had been years, decades even, since I read any Christian Fiction because of how unrealistic it all felt to me.

With her first book, Stones of Remembrance (which I read semi-reluctantly...should I be saying that in a review?) Julie made me a fiction reader once again. With her latest book, Nor Forsake, I am officially her biggest fan! I felt like she was writing MY STORY in so many ways, with just some of the details changed to protect my identity!

My favorite part of Julie's writing is how she weaves truth into the fabric of her stories and how the characters seamlessly interact with God throughout the book. Her writing is real, gutsy, and definitely "not your mama's Christian Fiction", which I'm pretty sure I coined that phrase specifically for her.

I won't add any spoilers, but this book is like reading a story within a story. I loved it! I was surprised that it worked so easily. Nor Forsake gave me hope for the future, not in a fictitious "and-they-lived-happily-ever-after" way, but in a realistic, redemptive way.

I eagerly await her next book!

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Outgrow Your Space At Work – A Book Review

Quote:  "You don't get promoted. You outgrow your space."

“Every answer regarding why your career is moving in it’s current direction – good or bad – is found inside you.”  

- Rick Whitted, author

If you are willing to dig into this excellent resource and apply what you learn, you will be rewarded with the wisdom needed to help you have a long and lasting career in the field of your choice. 

You can take the CareerWhitt Assessment to see what is driving your career decisions:  your emotions or your core values.  Knowing this can help you make career decisions that will propel you forward instead of leaving you spinning your wheels.

The best review I can give this book is to tell you that I am passing it along to my four, grown children hoping they will read and heed Rick’s wise counsel. They are all just starting out in life and have long careers ahead of them. 

If you are like me, you could probably name dozens of people that wish they had this advice when they first started their careers. 

From the book’s description:

With a lifetime of experience and research to back him up, Rick Whitted helps you 

• Identify why you want a promotion
• Define for yourself what success really looks like
• Position yourself for a promotion
• Innovate in the role you perform right now
• and much more

This would make an excellent high school or college graduation gift.  

Pick up a copy for someone you know that is struggling to find their niche.

*************************************************************** 

Available for purchase at Amazon, Barnes & Noble, and Christianbook.com.  

You can Follow him on Facebook, Twitter, and Instagram, Podcast and YouTube.

I received a copy of this book from The Blog Spot Network in exchange for my review.

#the4500launches The Sound of Gravel

The story you are about to read is true.  I couldn't make this up if I tried.

On October 15, 2015 I Heard A Voice that said, "Start your book launch team, call it #the4500launches and promote other first time authors while waiting for your turn."  It was that clear and direct.

So I created a Facebook Group for my launch team, even though I do not (yet***) have a contract with a publisher for the memoir I am writing.  
***I believe Paul who said, "God...calls things that are not, as though they already existed". 
***I also believed that William Hutchison Murry quote, which proved itself to be true.  

Read on...

Six days later I'm on Twitter and read Marlena Bittner's Tweet about a first time author that has a memoir releasing in January 2015.  

The Sound of Gravel, Flat Iron Books, Jan 5, 2015

Feeling sure that there's already a book launch team in place to promote her book, I fire off a Tweet to the author, Ruth Wariner, and offer to help promote the book...not knowing Ruth is my cousin!  

Nobody could've predicted the events that would stream forth from this Tweet! 

A little later that same day, I read a comment on a GoodReads review that mentioned the word "polygamy" and my brain explodes as I scurry back to Ruth's Twitter, click on her website and read her History.  

I gasped and my heart stopped after I read and scrolled far enough down to see the mugshot photo of my father, Ervil LeBaron...and it dawns on me who Ruth is.  My hand flies to my mouth, covering it, as I think, "What have I done?  I Tweeted one of Joel's children publicly!"  

I immediately Tweeted this in a feeble attempt to distance myself from my father and the atrocities he committed while still alive, hoping she wouldn't block me on Twitter before I had a chance to explain:  

You see, Ruth and I share a very painful family history.  Our deceased fathers, Ervil and Joel LeBaron are a 1970's version of the Cain and Abel story - with my father Ervil being the modern day Cain. 

Our family history is the subject of her book, so I will not add any spoilers.  
Our family history is also the subject of my yet-to-be-published memoir. 

Ruth and I are telling our stories from the opposite sides of our feuding families, like the Hatfield's and McCoy's. 

Our families, and the nearly 100 children fathered by Joel and Ervil, were split apart the day my father, Ervil, ordered a "Blood Atonement" hit on his own brother, and Ruth's father, Joel. 

I was three years old and Ruth was just three months old that fateful day, August 20, 1972.  

With very few exceptions, our two families and those who followed these men, often referred to as "The Joelites" and "The Ervilites" have not spoken in over four decades, until our one-in-a-zillion chance encounter on Twitter.  Seriously.  What are the odds of that happening? Some would use the word "coincidence" to describe it, but I prefer "God-incidence".)

After a private, Direct Message exchange through Twitter, in which I find out that there is not a launch team assembled yet, I offer to lead a team using #the4500launches to promote her book, and the rest is history.  

For a taste of what it was like being on the launch team, watch this #ArmyOfSisters video, created by Meg Cassidy, Ruth's personal publicist. The launch team part begins at the 2:00 minute mark.

Ruth and I are living out "the rest of the story" as I type this blog post on the day of her book release. 

We met in person on December 3 and physically embraced one another, while symbolically restoring our families. We understand fully that each member of our respective families may not feel ready to embrace these changes. Ruth and I are in agreement that the timing of their healing journey is a very personal matter and we will respect that to the best of our ability, while embracing our familial connection both in person and online.

EDITED TO ADD: my book is available for preorder at

Barnes and Noble: http://bit.ly/BNALTPD  and at Amazon!

Me with my ARC (Advance Reader Copy) of Ruth's book!

Anna and Ruth meet!

Kathleen, Ruth, Anna, and Ramona

Graphic credit goes to my friend and #the4500 co-Admin, Tracy Lynn Page.

Review: The Key To Everything

"Teachablity" - that's the key to everything!

Did you read the caption under that picture?  

Before you get all excited and think you don't need to read the book now that you know teachability is The Key to Everything...take a deep breath.  We're fixin' to dive in deep. I'm going to be vulnerable. You see...

I thought I was teachable.

Read on, my friends....

I was very excited to be part of the launch team and eager to read The Key To Everything.  Who doesn't want to know this secret, right?  I didn't know when I started that I was in for more than I bargained for...in the best way possible! 

You see, I have a dream of publishing my own book that I have been working towards for almost two years now. (For decades if you include all the time I've spent just thinking about it.) The problem was that I had come across some roadblocks that were keeping me stuck in a few places.  They had to do with the technology aspects of having a website as well a place where your readers can input their email address so you can send them emails.  I had a few email addresses, but they were in a Gmail folder and I had no way of accessing them, except manually.  

I had no idea what the solution was, and there were way too many options, and as many opinions about those options depending on whose blog you read that day. So this decision had been postponed...for almost two years. 

While in the middle of reading the book I decided to talk to a mentor.  I confessed that I felt stuck. She challenged me to drill down and figure out what was holding me back from making a decision. The more I thought about it the more my anxiety levels rose about making the wrong decision. There were way too many options out there, and I had no idea how to make sure I made the right choice.  

Then I remembered this "formula" I had read in the Introduction:

DESIRE to learn

X

WILLINGNESS to change

=

level of TEACHABILITY

I knew that I needed a WILLINGNESS to change this one behavior:  procrastination about making important decisions.  I had to quit spinning my wheels and make a decision so I could email my people.  Unless I did that I would never get anywhere as an author. 

Once I became WILLING TO CHANGE...all manner of assistance came my way.

My friend, Rachel, heard me talk about my dilemna one day and offered to come over and help. She had experience with the very decision that had stumped me for far too long! I listened to her go over my options, and the pros and cons for each one.  Then she said the most amazing thing: "If you don't like whichever program you choose, you can always switch to another one. People do that every day.  It's not always easy, but it's doable."  

So between my mentor and a friend I was able to overcome one of the obstacles that was holding me back from my full potential.  That very day I made a decision and haven't looked back since.

As a matter of fact, I decided to be even more teachable and signed up to take a free online class on how to grow my email subscriber list. I started out with just a few emails...was teachable and did exactly what I was told, and am almost 3/4's of the way to my initial goal of 1,000 email subscribers!

My problem now? 

I need to send an email out to all those people who have subscribed this week!

And, ummm... 

I don't know how to do that.  

Yet.  

If you want to know whether my book is one you are interested in, or just to know if I ever figured  out how to send my readers an email, you can click here to subscribe! 

But I digress, this blog is about Matt's book, not mine. 

I have a lot to learn about being a writer and author, but having read Matt Keller's The Key To Everything I am more prepared to be TEACHABLE than ever before!

I want to leave my mark on the world...but first I have some email tutorial videos to go watch.

The Key To Everything is now available from Amazon.  

Learn more about Matt Keller on his website:  MattKellerOnline, on Facebook, and on Twitter.   

For The Love...of Jen & #the4500

This post is part of Jen Hatmaker’s “For the Love” Blog Tour which I am delighted to be a part of along with many other inspiring bloggers.  To learn more and join us, CLICK HERE.

Book trailer:  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bjyZ91Z0nFs

Link to book:  http://forthelovebook.com/

I have grown to love Jen Hatmaker, the self-titled "Hashtag abusing Jesus girl", more than I believed possible having never met her in person...(yet).

Before March 12th I only knew her from her blog (www.jenhatmaker.com) and Facebook posts (www.facebook.com/pages/Jen-Hatmaker/203920953040241) which are hilarious.

(Confession:  I had never read any of her serious books like Interrupted or 7: An Experimental Mutiny Against Excess...because I didn't know they existed! I have since corrected that egregious oversight.)

In March my life changed.  I applied to be on the For The Love book launch team and was rejected along with 4500 others and #the4500 decided that we would be a launch team anyway with just the four chapters we had been given as a sweet consolation prize.  It's a long story you can read about here:  http://annalebarondavenport.blogspot.com/2015/03/jen-hatmaker-knows-who-i-am-sort-of.html

Life as I knew it became "before the Tweet" and "after the Tweet".

The best way for me to tell you about Jen Hatmaker's For The Love: Fighting For Grace in a World of Impossible Standards is to let her tell you about us.

Jen had this to say about #the4500 (and #the500) in her "thank you" at the end of For The Love:

"These women came together months before this book released, and a community emerged that I could not have imagined in my wildest dreams. What started as a simple rally around For The Love turned into meet-ups, scholarships, prayer groups, trips, parties, parenting threads, writing clubs, group merchandising, and essentially, the entire message of FTL demonstrated in real life.  Friends, I love you with my entire heart. Beyond the beautiful endorsements and encouragement, you showed me that a FTL community is not only possible, it is vibrant and spiritual and unified and entirely irreverent.  You are my best gift this year.  Forever #onmybeam."

That, my readers, is the caliber of women that became #the4500.

Over the course of five months and too many posts and comments in our group to count, we have become each other's IRL (or #InRealLife) friends.  I have welcomed these women into my heart and into my home.

We have called, texted, and hung out with each other using every social media outlet there is.
We have shown up in real life for one another.
We have bonded over a cups of coffee and simple meals served with wine.
We lived the message of FTL before we even knew what the book was all about.
We have laughed together over some of the silliest things you can imagine and cried with one another over devastating news and serious losses.
We let down our guards with one another and offered up our vulnerability in ways that mattered.

As Jen says in FTL, "Simply speaking truth out loud is healing in and of itself. When people courageously voice a true, hard feeling, they've already stolen some of its dark power before we offer one word to fix it." 

We discovered that our commonalities far exceeded any differences we may have found.
We offered each other the grace that Jen talks about that this world needs so desperately.
We now have words, phrases and #hashtags that require an explanation.

Also, Dauntless Grace Ministries (www.dauntlessgrace.org) was born out of some #RealTalk conversations...that originated in #the4500...which originated from a Tweet...on Twitter.  Seriously?!
Side note: I'll be hosting a DGM Group in my home starting in September!

It's like all this awesomeness was just dropped in our laps from above. 

On Twitter Jen referred to FTL like birthing a baby she hoped wouldn't keep her up at night. So I'd like to think #the4500 was like a doula, coming alongside her as she delivered this baby to the world.

Our relationship with Jen will forever be etched on our hearts as an exciting season of life that we lived to the fullest and then some.  I don't know how any of us got any sleep.

I do know that I will take these women with me wherever I go.  Our hearts have been forever knitted together in the bonds of true girlfriend, real talk fellowship. I want them all to be part of my Supper Club and I want my porch to be an altar where we gather weekly for Sunday Night Church.

We, the women of #the4500, launched a book, and a movement.

We have made both Jen and Jesus proud. I couldn't have asked for more.

Are You a Flosser? (Wait...is "flosser" even a word?)

[Note:  For those that read my blog regularly, this isn't quite the departure from the subject matter you are used to that it appears to be...keep reading for the usual fare you have come to expect from me.] 

If you ARE a regular flosser... ***fist bump!***   

If you are NOT a regular flosser, don't tune me out just yet. 

You see, I wasn't a flosser for DECADES.  I know the pain of going to the dentist again and again, knowing you'll hear the same words from the dental hygienist, "You need to start flossing."  UGH!

You reply in agreement but inside your head it sounds something like this:  "Yeah, yeah, yeah...fine, whatever, lady.  I'll TRY. AGAIN."  Deep down inside you know you really won't, even though you have really good intentions to do so.

I went to the dentist in November 2005 (after a lot of years of not going) and was told that I had periodontal disease.  I was told that if I would "just start flossing regularly" (easier said, than done) I could reverse the disease.  Then they served up this nugget of truth, "Either start flossing or plan on losing some or all of your teeth starting at age 50."  I'm embarrassed to admit that their dire warning did not change my behavior.

They tell you how bad your periodontal disease is by measuring the pocket, or the space, between your gums and teeth.  Anything over 3mm is considered unhealthy.
 

That day in 2005 I had some 4's, but mostly I had 5's, and even a 6 or two(!) which is very bad...not to mention painful when they poke around your mouth...or when cold stuff touches those super-sensitive areas.

I had to start practicing self-care by showing up at the dentist every three months, instead of the normal six months between visits, to try and sort this out.  Just going to the dentist was a start, but it cost me.

• It cost me money out of pocket, because insurance only covers twice a year. 
• It cost me time off work for these appointments.
• It cost me my pride having to admit that I wasn't flossing like I should have been.  
• It cost me my integrity, knowing I was lying when I would say I would start flossing.

Fast forward almost 10 years to my appointment with the dentist  March 25, 2015.

The report from the hygienist was as follows:  One 4....and all the rest were 3's!

ALL BUT ONE ARE HEALTHY NOW!!!

If you are wondering how you, too, can get the results I got yesterday hear me on this:  

You will need to change your mind...you will need to think differently about flossing.

For me, flossing is now what I call a "spiritual activity".

I can hear you now:  "Huh?!  Say what?  Flossing is a spiritual activity?  You lost me."

Let me explain.  It's only a spiritual activity if you are using a sermon you heard at church about meditation (of all things) as your jumping off point for beginning a new, healthy habit.

[To hear that sermon by Jimmy Evans called "A Mind Set Free", click here.]

Jimmy told us on November 16, 2013 how he quit smoking by changing the dialogue he was having with himself (in his mind) and with others.  Once he decided to become a non-smoker he would say to himself and others, "I am a non-smoker." and that's how he quit smoking.

I had just been to the dentist that week (again) and had just told the hygienist (again) that I would "try" (again) to start flossing regularly.  After hearing Jimmy Evans sermon, I decided that if he could QUIT a bad habit by changing the dialogue in his mind, then I could START a healthy habit the same way.

I went home that day in November 2013, pulled out my label maker and stuck this label above my bathroom sink where I would see it at least twice a day, morning and night, to remind myself of who I was (A FLOSSER!).

I began to floss every night before bed LIKE IT WAS MY JOB.   

Yes, that is the kind of flosser I now use daily.  I love it!  No more messy, gross, tangled mess.

I continued going to the dentist every three months, and slowly, but surely I made progress.  Each time the dental report would get better.  Finally, in September 2014 I had made enough progress, and had a behavioral track record they were happy with, and the report was so good, they told me I could schedule my next appointment for SIX MONTHS OUT!!!  "You mean I'm normal again!?!"  

I was a little nervous at the time, wondering if I really had it in me to be trusted for THAT LONG without their probing instruments that were keeping me accountable, but hey, if they were willing to trust me to keep up the good job I was doing, who was I to argue?  They are the professionals, after all!  It took me from November 2013 to March 2015 to turn things around but I did it!

All that happened because I changed my mind and changed the dialogue in my head and told myself that...

...I AM A FLOSSER.  

Now I feel like I can change the world! 

***********************  

For more information on changing your mind and the dialogue(s) you have with yourself, check out the following resources:

Bob Hamp's books:  Think Differently Live Differently; as well as Think Differently Lead Differently; available for purchase at: www.bobhamp.com

Dr. Caroline Leaf, author of an incredibly helpful book called, "Switch on Your Brain", available for purchase at: www.drleaf.com; along with that book's very helpful companion App called "The 21 Day Brain Detox" available for download at:  www.21DayBrainDetox.com
 

Jen Hatmaker Knows Who I Am!!! (sort of)

This week I started a ruckus on Jen Hatmaker's Twitter feed with ONE TWEET and a HASHTAG.

The tweet was about her forthcoming book, "For The Love - Fighting For Grace in a World of Impossible Standards", which is set for release on Aug 18, 2015.  

~ You can pre-order at B&N, Books-a-Million, or Amazon ~

You see, I applied to be on her Book Launch Team.  They had 5,000 applicants and only 500 spots, so there were 4500 of us that got the sweetest rejection letter EVER telling us all that we are "still her people"...ALONG WITH FOUR (4) SAMPLE CHAPTERS to read in advance!

I was so excited that I tweeted her:  (Jen loves hashtags and good food, so I refererenced both in my Tweet and made up this hashtag on the fly.)

I cracked up Jen Hatmaker, you guys.

WAIT! WHAT?...Jen Hatmaker REPLIED...TO MY TWEET!?!

That ONE TWEET and HASHTAG (along with a famous person's reply, of course) started what Seth Godin calls A RUCKUS!  The hashtag went viral...(ok, fine...it went viral on Jen's Twitter page)....but then it spilled over onto Facebook in the form of a group (i.e. a non-stop paaartay!...that Jen has peeked in on!) and OH MY GOSH.  I CAN'T EVEN.  

Basically, #The4500 said that while we may not have made the "official" launch team (initially), we are still on your launch team, Jen!  In other words, we didn't take 'no' for an answer. 

Then there was that day that Jen tweeted and re-tweeted my tweets, and called me "The dearest thing ever" and has tweeted "So in love with #The4500".  Even Brandon Hatmaker got in on this deal tweeting "love it" alongside "#The4500".

Then we heard that #The4500 was 'all the talk' (someone discussing it at the water cooler) at Thomas Nelson (Jen's publisher) because THIS KIND OF THING HAS NEVER HAPPENED BEFORE!!!

And now Thomas Nelson has gotten involved with our group, and THAT'S KIND OF A BIG DEAL to me!  Katy is on Jen's marketing team and is giving us guidance and direction about how to help promote Jen's book in ways that will actually help her.  (As opposed to all the ways in which #The4500 just went nuts doing our own thing.)  Herding cats is more like how I'd describe Katy's fun, new job duties. 

Katy may need therapy when this is all over with, but I'm dying of happiness, you guys! I don't even know what to do with myself anymore.  

I'm not sure I'll be of any use to anyone for days, maybe even weeks or possibly months.   

AUGUST 18th, 2015 CANNOT GET HERE SOON ENOUGH.

   

Bless The Teachers

God bless the teachers, one and all, today and everyday.  

I definitely went to school to soak up love and acceptance from my teachers.  I always worked extra hard to please them and was crushed if I felt their least disapproval.  I loved every single one of my teachers, but I absolutely adored my third grade teacher.  I distinctly remember the sadness I felt on the last day of school that year.  I wanted that school year to go on forever and ever.

After escaping the cult at age thirteen I was enrolled in a small, Christian school.  My teachers there left indelible impressions on my heart.  They were conduits of His Love to my desperately needy heart. When they found out that the last name I was using (Marston) wasn't my real name, they went through the trouble of changing all my official school records so I could have my father's last name.  That is when I became Anna LeBaron. In a huge way my identity was restored to me.  

My 1st grade teacher once wrote on my report card, "Anna keeps me on my toes!" 
(I'm sure she thought I was just precious...of course she did.  Yes, I'm sure that's how she felt...)

Even though she meant that I was a handful (me...a handful?!) I received those words on that day as a compliment and felt loved and known, but mostly I felt SEEN and NOTICED in a sea of other kids at school and at home.

Today I suggested as much to Holy Spirit, writing in my journal that I must be a handful with my messy heart and with everything I still need to learn...and this is what my heart hears:  

"Anna, you are even more precious to me."

And I'm wrecked. Undone.  

I'm undone in the presence of THE Teacher.  The Teacher that worked through each of the teachers that went before Him and paved the way for me to come to know just how very loved and precious I truly am to Him.